Why I couldn’t get undressed on my wedding night (and Mom in the Mirror giveaway!)

We borrowed my aunt’s cabin, by the water.

We arrived late with a bottle of wine and I stepped on the back of my wedding dress as we crossed the threshold.

I didn’t see anything but the bed, with its nicely folded corners and my new husband already in his boxers and grabbing us glasses from the kitchen cupboard.

I leaned against the wall, drinking the white, in white, and we were 23-year-old virgins who’d never seen each other naked, had only felt each other’s skin and I couldn’t unzip my dress.

I stalled, pulling out my bobby pins and he helped me, and we made a nice little pile of pins and then he asked if he could help me with my zipper.

And I asked him if he wanted another glass of wine.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to make love with him.

It’s that I didn’t want him to see me. All of me.

(For the rest of this post, and for the LAUNCH of Mom in the Mirror, which we’re giving away, join me over HERE at Prodigal, friends? Thank you!!)

Today’s giveaway:


(this will be the last post that will run on this blog; you can keep up with me at my personal blog HERE. thank you)

How to feel good about your body

Suggestions from Mary Pipher on how to feel good about your body, as taken from her book, Hunger Pains-The Modern Woman’s Tragic Quest for Thinness:

1. When you look in a mirror, make sure to notice and remind yourself of what you like about your appearance. This may take some time and practice.
2. When you find yourself being critical of your appearance in the mirror, force yourself to turn away. Say firmly, “Body, you are mine. I like you.”
3. Break the habit of comparing yourself to others in terms of appearance.
4. Don’t criticize or comment on other women’s appearances.
5. Learn to dress comfortably rather than “fashionably.”
6. When you meet others, focus on something besides your appearance. Strive to be interesting, nurturing, witty, a good listener, and empathic.
7. Pay attention to the way media depictions of women influence your self-image, and stay away from media that makes you feel badly about your body and appearance.
8. Compliment girls and women for other things besides their physical appearance.
9. Learn to value yourself for other things besides your appearance. Keep track of your accomplishments and successes and remind yourself of them often.
10. Develop other interests besides your appearance. Focus on skills or activities that have nothing to do with your appearance.


Praying your weekend, friends, is full of wholeness, confidence and joy. Love, e.

Learning to love ourselves the way he does (Guest Post by Simply Striving)

There I was, alone in the black of night. The fan across the room whirring around in a mesmerizing rhythm. A glimmer of light peeking through a crack in the blind, casting a single shadow on the wall next to me. I had turned the lights off. It seemed easier, not being able to actually see me this vulnerable, as I was taking my walls down one-by-one.

I breathe in deep and find myself exhaling to the rhythm of the fan. Slow, steady, quiet. Maybe with the next breath I will build up enough confidence to ask my one question. And finally it comes:

Father — Why do you love me?
What do you see in me?

It wasn’t until my lips curled around the real question that I realized it was more than one. But both needed to be asked for both were burning inside me, aching to know. And now I wait, still breathing in time with the fan. Doubt tries to find its way to me, following the glow of the street light. Ashamedness quickly follows.

Not tonight. The walls are staying down. This is something I must do. I must listen.

And I will never know if the voice I heard was my imagination or the real deal. It doesn’t even matter for in my heart, I know God found a way to speak to me. So softly I almost missed it at first. But the more I lingered on the moment, the more it became clear. Three questions He asked of me:

Why do you love Me?
What do you see in Me?
My child — why do you not love yourself?

Emotions come crashing down like a tidal wave. My breath taken out to sea. I instinctively reach out, trying to grasp at something. Anything. Where or where are my walls when I need them.

No. Not tonight. This is something I must do. I must think. I must answer Him. I have to know…

~~~~~~~~~~

I’m not sure how long I sat there that night. The years between then and now have softened my memory some. But I will never forget the way He gently guided me to answering the questions I should have been asking all along.

Friends, it was true. I didn’t love myself. I didn’t hate myself, either, but that’s not what He asked me.

And I wasn’t able to quickly answer why I loved my Redeemer. It seems like such an easy question to answer and yet, I couldn’t find the words. Truth was, I had never asked myself that question so point-blank before. Maybe if you were blessed to grow up in a Christian home like I was, you can admit the same thing. Even if you didn’t, maybe you can relate.

I found myself stammering for words. Excuses started pouring from my thoughts and I found myself uttering the rhetorical question that put me in checkmate.

“Well…what’s not to love?!?”

Silence followed. Long enough for me to realize I couldn’t hear the fan anymore. I sat up, more alert, trying to find my bearings once again. Then I heard it. Just one word. One word that answered every question posed that night.

“Exactly.“

~~~~~~~~~~

Even now, when I hear that one word, I often think of Him. I think of the one night that opened my eyes to the life I had been missing. The life of love only found in Him.

And even now it still amazes me that it’s there. Love like that. Freely offered to anyone willing to ask for it.

Oh how He loves us.

I’ve grown much since that dark night of clarity. And I’ve spent every day since answering His three questions. Trying to grasp why I love Him so much. Counting the ways. Trying to fathom Him and all that He is. Attempting to truly see. Trying to accept that I can love myself, for He is a part of me. He is the reason I live and breathe. Without Him, that last question will go unanswered. For I have nothing worth loving apart from Him. And with Him, I have everything.

Yes. Exactly. What’s not to love.

How about you? Why do you love Him? Do you love yourself? I’d love to hear.

Thanks for sharing your time with me.

Simply striving,

Nikki

(please visit Nikki here at her blog, Simply Striving)