grace (eventually)…. thoughts on binging and dieting by anne lamott

i’ve been reading her, again, this anne lamott who says things i believe. it’s like she’s in my head, and i want to share her thoughts on binging and self-worth and Jesus with you, here below. (love to you all, on this healing journey…)

“whenever i want to either binge or diet, it means that there is some part of me that is deeply afraid. i had been worrying about (my son) more than usual, and only partly because he had just begun to drive. i had been worried sick about Bush for five years now. there was a terrifying epidemic of breast cancer in my county; like so many others, i had friends who were trying to survive. and lately i’d fallen back into my old habit of acting like classroom helper to the world, doing too many favors for people… i had been to a funeral. i had had a molar pulled. i had recently seen the skin on the back of my neck under fluorescent lights in a hotel mirror. i hadn’t seen it in years; not it looked like it was upholstered in a few inches of the Utah desert. everything was too much.

“all i could think to do was what every addict thinks of doing: kill the pain… anyone would understand if you binged every so often… even Jesus would, although somehow i don’t see him ripping open a package of Hostess Ding Dongs for me. but thinking of him reminded me that food would not fill the holes or quiet the fear. only love would; only my own imperfect love would.” (anne lamott, grace eventually, 53-54)

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4 thoughts on “grace (eventually)…. thoughts on binging and dieting by anne lamott

  1. i don’t have an eating disorder but i have other destructive bad habits and when i’m in pain and when i give way too much of myself i wonder how to stop the pain. do i drink smoke or whatever? i’m trying to work with my therapist, ask for prayer, talk to safe ppl, to God and stay away from relieving the pain with destructive habits. not easy & i’m crappy with setting boundaries. thanks for this post & for your honesty!

  2. Emily, I’m reading “Thoughts on Grace” right now, too! Literally just got it from the library. I’ve never read Lamott, but basically I could binge on her writing, which is better for me than what I told my husband last night. I’m extremely stressed right now and told him if I just did such and such a diet (one that’s worked for me in the past) I would have some semblance of reward for my work, as well as modicum of routine…which in my head would be something I “have under control.” Ahhhh! Thank you for posting this…I know what I fear…praying for your heart as you teeter on this balance beam, hopefully falling off on the side of Grace. xoxox

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