numbing the pain of the past

i’m talking about disappointment over at my personal blog, and it’s something i think we disordered eaters struggle with.

disappointment. being let down by those we love.

and so often, we try to prevent it from happening again. we get shocked by the pain in the first place, and then decide that in order to keep ourselves from being hurt like that again, we’ll numb the pain. by starving ourselves, or over-eating, and so we beat the others to it. we hurt ourselves, so they don’t have to.

i am learning a new kind of way of dealing with pain.

i am learning to face it head-on.

as my friend said, “you can always trust in the beauty of moving forward.”

there is beauty in being raw, in exposing your heart to the world and trusting that God has your back. 

i’m tired of not living for fear of being hurt. geneen roth, author of Women, Food and God, said, “Most of us spend our lives protecting ourselves from losses that have already happened.”

i don’t want to be that kind of person. i want to have stories for my grandchildren. i want my scars to be badges of courage, not self-inflicted emblems of fear.

so let’s rise up, men and women, and face the giants. let’s toss those david-stones and trust that God will slay Goliath.

because at the end of the day, pain is beauty. and beauty is courage. and courage is faith.

(painting by e. wierenga)

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2 thoughts on “numbing the pain of the past

  1. this is so good & exactly what i’ve been dealing with…disappointments. fear. pain. hurts…i numb in different ways..i come down hard on myself in different ways….i want to rise up & learn different ways to deal….but don’t have the energy…i believe God is there….i love this (pain is beauty, beauty is courage, and courage is faith)!j thank you!

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