I looked through old pictures today. It is difficult for me to look at these pictures – painful and raw and heart-wrenching, actually. Four years after being completely set free, I still weep almost every time I look at them. I battled B for 6 long years before he finally left for good. Six years I can’t get back. Six years I can’t erase. But I am blessed. Many fight for a lifetime. Many lose.
I think I cry for the girl in the pictures because she can’t cry herself. Her eyes are hollow. Her gaze is empty. Her life is gone. She’s dead inside. Beauty is all around her, but she doesn’t even see.
But I also cry because I’m grateful. I’m thankful that God helped me win the fight. I can cry. My eyes are bright. My gaze is fixed on the ones I love. I’m alive. And, I can see the beauty all around me.
(This is part six of a six-part series on Bulimia by Deidra Manning)
*For videos and discussion questions on how to heal from an ED, please visit here.
**Thank you for prayers re: safe delivery of my second son. He was born on July 25 at 11:50 am; Kasher Jude, 8 lbs, 14 oz. We are delirious with exhaustion and joy.