for all of my measuring my wrists and counting my ribs and weighing the skin that hung off my nine-year-old bones it wasn’t about food.
in the beginning, i wanted to look thinner, yes, and so i stopped eating, but the reason i wanted to look thinner wasn’t because i thought i was fat. it was because i thought i wasn’t beautiful, and for some reason, i knew society thought thin was beauty. and i wanted to be beautiful because i thought people–namely, my parents–might then celebrate me. i might be noticed. i might be swept up into the hug i’d always craved and told over and over how lovely i looked and how precious i was and how fearfully and wonderfully made.
i stopped eating because i wanted to feel loved.
it was all about love. and hasn’t it always been?
every night after supper, my husband reads out of the Jesus storybook bible, and my son is too young to understand but all i can pray is that the words “Jesus” and “love” unite in his mind. that the concept of God will always conjure up walking in the garden, an intimate relationship with the one whom we look like. the one who adores us. the one who longs to sweep us off our feet and smother our faces with kisses and tell us how absolutely cherished we are. how he would die for us, all over again, because we’re worth it.
here, a passage that describes how far we’ve run from such love, and why we’re starving ourselves trying to find our way back:
“as soon as the snake saw his chance, he slithered silently up to Eve. “does God really love you?” the serpent whispered. “if he does, why won’t he let you eat the nice, juicy, delicious fruit? poor you, perhaps God doesn’t want you to be happy.”
the snake’s words hissed into her ears and sunk down deep into her heart, like poison. does God love me? eve wondered. suddenly she didn’t know anymore.
… and a terrible lie came into the world. it would never leave. it would live on in every human heart, whispering to every one of God’s children: “God doesn’t love me.”
… and terrible pain came into God’s heart. his children hadn’t just broken the one rule; they had broken God’s heart. they had broken their wonderful relationship with him. and now he knew everything else would break.
…but God loved his children too much to let the story end there… you see, no matter what, in spite of everything, God would love his children — with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love. and though they would forget him and run from him, deep in their hearts, God’s children would miss him always, and long for him — lost children yearning for their home.
it’s not about food. we might starve, we might over-eat, but it’s not about food. it’s about love. we want to feel loved. we want to find our way home.
Body Wars video: FREE download here, at the FINDINGbalance website.
About video: Many of us think life would be easier without our bodies, but the simple truth is that God created us in them, and he must have had a reason. Can you imagine having a relationship with another person, or even with God, without your body? Yet so often we are at war with our bodies. This session takes a closer look at this issue.
(***Once you click on the photo, you will be taken to the FINDINGbalance lesson store (after reading over/agreeing to the rules)… then scroll down, until you get to the Body Wars video. Click on “Body Wars” and a number of formats will pop up for you to choose from: mov, wmv, mp3… click on one, and download it, and you can watch the video. You can then download the discussion questions too…)